I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
