mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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