Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
