Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
