I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
