Someone shit on the floor
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
