Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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