1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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