hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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