So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
