Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
