Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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