It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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