Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
