Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
