I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
