i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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