I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
