I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is wine microwaveable?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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