Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
40s are totally the cure
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
