If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize