I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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