shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
