I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
