there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
