I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
