i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
