It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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