question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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