So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
