her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
