but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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