they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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