Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
