We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize