I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
