i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
