saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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