I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
