he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
