In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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