are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
