I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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