tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
