I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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