I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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