My friends, they love my intelligence
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
