so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
