I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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