I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
