Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
