I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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