I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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