He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
