she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
