this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize