My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
