At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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