I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
someone owes me an orgasm
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
