How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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