i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
