i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
