he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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