I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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