i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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