got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He did a backflip because drugs
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
