please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
