I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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