Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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