I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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